Leaving New York
by Kadesch
Summary: Carrie can't sleep at night and doesn't really know why. So she gets up and turns on the radio to hear a song she never heard before.


_Disclaimer: Same as always and something special: I got no idea if there are shows like this on American radio but I like the idea of the story. It's of cause not the ral story of the song as well. But I saw "I heart NY" shortly before I heard the song for the first time and somehow I connected it. I'm usually not a big fan of songfics but somehow it just fits.__ Had it on my mind for a long time and it has to get out of there ;-) Hope you like it. _

* * *

She just couldn't sleep. She kept turning around in her bed for hours without being able to rest. What was up? It was such a beautiful night. The stars where sparkling and it wasn't too cold even so it was winter. She kept reviewing the day she had trying to find an explanation.

She wrote her column of this week, had a nice lunch with the girls, a date with a cute guy… Was it him? She thought that he was a nice guy but there haven't been any butterflies in her stomach which could keep her awake now.

When she came home she had a call from Big on her answering machine. It was the first call she got since he moved away two month ago. She tried to call him back but he didn't pick up. Was it the unreturned call that was keeping her up? She would have loved to talk to him again since she didn't really get the chance to say goodbye in a proper way. But she hadn't had his number since this afternoon and his mobile was turned off when she called.

She got up and went to her answering machine replaying his message

"Hi kid, it's me! I'm sorry I didn't call in such a long time but there where so many things to do in the vineyard. But it's really beautiful here and I'm fine. You'd like it. So, call me back when you get the chance. Bye."

It was a perfectly normal message but something was wrong. She played it again. There she noticed something: There was a special tone in his voice. Although he tried to sound happy, she heard that he was sad. Sad because he didn't reach her?

She got up and went into the kitchen. Maybe a glass of wine would help her to get to sleep. Sipping some red whine she went back and sat down by the window.

She thought of the last time she saw Big. Sitting in the carriage, blinking at her. It has been such a nice evening. If only Brady wouldn't have decided that it's time to be born that moment. Why not two or three hours later? Why not the morning after? Maybe he wouldn't have left… Wait a moment what was she thinking? She wasn't in love with Big anymore! For years! But she had to admit, thinking of him kissing her made her feel some of the butterflies she had been missing this evening.

But Big was in Nappa and both of them knew it was over.

She decided to do something she hadn't done in years: Turning on the radio. Some music would be nice now. She listened to the music till an announcer began to speak.

"Welcome to our late night show. Tonight we got the lead singer Michael Stipe of R.E.M. with us to talk about there newest song 'Leaving NY'. Hello Michael, great to have you with us!"

'Leaving NY' – who in the world would leave New York beside of Big? But apparently so many people that it was worth writing a song about it.

"So tell me, where did you get the idea for this song?"

"Well, about two month ago I was flying from New York to California for vacation and in the seat next to me was a guy who looked completely depressed. He ordered a few scotch on the rocks and sighed from time to time.

After about two hours I asked him what was up. I think he normally doesn't talk to strangers about his feelings but the alcohol helped and we got into talking."

Yeah, yeah, men and alcohol… You can get very interesting information under those circumstances sometimes.

"He told me that he was moving away from New York although he loved to live there. But he had a very complicated relationship with a woman. They had been on and off again, he ruined his marriage because of an affair with her. He always thought that they might get together again one day especially when she ended her engagement to another guy."

Wow, that sounded complicated… Wait a moment, she knew that story…

"But she made it clear that there wasn't any chance for them getting back together. But she was like Niagara Falls for him. So he decided to leave New York and move to California."

"And he was so down although it was a thought through decision?"

"Well she found out last minute that he was leaving and spend the last evening together. He felt so close to her again. But before anything could happen she left because a friend of her was giving birth. He went home alone and felt so lonely that he decided to leave for the airport right away. She wanted to stop by for lunch but he wasn't sure if he could take it. He didn't even know if he could call her any time soon."

Carrie was just starring at the radio. That was their story! That guy was Big! He still loved her! She was Niagara Falls for him! She never thought that it could be the other way around as well! That's why he hadn't called in a while! She knew that something was wrong.

"And that was the inspiration for your song?"

"Yeah, it was. I couldn't get the story out of my head so I sat down a few days later and wrote the song."

"So let's hear it."

_It's quiet now  
And what it brings  
Is everything_

_Comes calling back  
A brilliant night  
I'm still awake_

_I looked ahead  
I'm sure I saw you there_

_You don't need me  
To tell you now  
That nothing can compare_

That was exactly how she was feeling tonight. She sat here thinking of Big again. Not the guy she had been dating tonight. There was no one like him for her.

_You might have laughed if I told you  
You might have hidden __a frown  
You might have succeeded in changing me  
I might have been turned around  
_

What would she have told if he'd told her? Would she have laughed nice he wanted to try it again? Would she have frowned? She could have changed him? He could have been turned around? About what? Marriage was the only thing that came to her mind. Would ne..? No that can't be…

_  
It's easier to leave than to be left behind  
Leaving was never my proud  
Leaving New York, never easy  
I saw the light fading out  
_

He left her before she could leave him behind. She never would have. He was too important for her.

_  
Now life is sweet  
And what it brings  
I tried to take  
But loneliness  
It wears me out  
It lies in way  
_

She still couldn't believe it. He still wasn't over her.

_  
And all not lost  
Still in my eyes  
The shadow of necklace  
Across your thigh  
I might've lived my life in a dream, but I swear  
This is real  
Memory fuses and shatters like glass  
Mercurial future, forget the past  
It's you, it's what I feel.  
_

He was trying to get over her but couldn't do it like she never got over him. She could feel it. She still wasn't over him as well.

_  
You might have laughed if I told you (it's pulling me apart)  
You might have hidden a frown (change)  
You might have succeeded in changing me (it's pulling me apart)  
I might have been turned around (change)_

She wouldn't have laughed. She wouldn't have frowned. She would have taken him into her arms and kissed him. Maybe she could have changed him if she would have acted differently. Maybe he would have married her one day…

_It's easier to leave than to be left behind (it's pulling me apart)  
Leaving was never my proud (change)  
Leaving New York, never easy (it's pulling me apart)  
I saw the light fading out  
You find it in your heart, it's pulling me apart  
You find it in your heart, change...  
_

_I told you, forever  
I love you, forever  
I told you, I love you  
I love you, forever  
I told you, forever  
You never, you never  
You told me forever  
_

She got up and got a suitcase. She through some cloth, shoes and toiletries inside and ran to her nightstand.

_  
You might have laughed if I told you  
You might have hidden the frown  
You might have succeeded in changing me  
I might have been turned around_

_It's easier to leave than to be left behind (it's pulling me apart)  
Leaving was never my proud (change)  
Leaving New York never easy (it's pulling me apart)  
I saw the life fading out (change)  
Leaving New York, never easy (it's pulling me apart)  
I saw the light fading out (change)  
Leaving New York never easy (it's pulling me apart)  
I saw the life fading out (change)_

There it was: The flight ticket Big left when he left. She would be using it tomorrow. She would fly to Nappa and get him back. She ran her finger over the post-it he left on the ticket and felt more and more butterflies in her stomach. Yeah, there they were again.


End file.
